After a month of pondering this question, I finally feel comfortable to write my thoughts for everyone to read.
"Do I stay in China? Or do I return home?"... I cannot express in words how difficult it was for me to make such a prominent decision in my life. As I mentioned, a month ago I received an email from Southern Utah University asking if I would like to stay another semester. They mentioned the good work I have been doing, but did not pressure me either way. I remember reading the words, "...if you would like to stay in China, please let us know as soon as possible." I never thought I would get to the point where I did not want to leave this place. BUT, here I am, wanting so badly to stay here...
Every day for the past month I have fallen asleep with tears in my eyes, completely torn between two great choices. I have spent a great deal of time on my knees asking for guidance. My Book of Mormon is outlined is various colors from highlighting and even writing thoughts or questions in the margins.
I should clarify why this decision has taken such a toll on me. See, I felt prompted at 14 years old to learn Mandarin. I have followed that prompting as best I could since that day. I came to China not only because it is my dream, but because I know He needs me here. My goal is to one day be fluent in the language I love. I know if I stay here in China, I will take steps I won't able to make in the States. A part of me feels as though I belong here.
But here I am thinking of the life I have waiting for me when I go home. I get to be home. I get to be close to my family. I have my degree waiting for me at the university of my dreams. I have a cute apartment with great roommates I get to go back to. AND, I get to adventure with my best friend in the entire world. What more could I want? ;) I know Cedar City is where I am happiest.
It wasn't until last week I finally received direction in making a decision. After waiting patiently for three weeks, I was walking around campus listening to the rain one night when I came to the University Gate. I had an overwhelming feeling of peace. Then the words came clearly into my mind, "Maura, it is time to go home." I remember smiling ear to ear and offering a prayer of gratitude. The following day I offered another prayer with my decision: I will return to the States in December.
I can say with confidence Utah is where I need to be beginning in 2019. I am saddened by the thought of leaving, but I still have time left. I'm going to make it count.
In the end, I am grateful I have so many good things in my life; most of which are people. I'm grateful for the progress I have been able to make. The opportunities I have had in China will not end here. I know this to be true. As the day to return to the States gets closer, I know it will become more difficult to accept what is to come... BUT I KNOW it is where I am supposed to be. It's time to go home. And I can't wait to figure out why.
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